A Moment of Appreciation

Now we will count to twelve and we will all keep still...What I want should not be confused with total inactivity. Life is what it is about...If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving, and for once could do nothing, perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves. -Pablo Neruda, Keeping Quiet

Last week, I was doing an exercise class that focused on the legs. We did one side, and by the time we switched to the opposite leg, my whole lower body felt sore! I didn't want to move to the right side of my body, as the left side already hurt enough. I considered giving up, when the instructor spoke up. "Instead of focusing on the pain you are currently in and what you have left," she said, "appreciate the work you have already done." In that moment, my perspective totally changed. Instead of dreading the work left to be done, I started appreciating the other side of my body. I may have even congratulated myself out loud. 

As I thought about the work my body had done physically, I found myself lost in a series of personal memories where I had become overwhelmed by the tasks ahead of me. How many times had I spent more time dreading an exam in college than actually studying for it? Or what about the times when I have known I needed counseling but refused to go out of fear of the work ahead. The dread and anxiety about the future can seem crippling and even lead to a type of paralysis. 

But What If We Slowed Things Down? 

Instead of ruminating about our own fear and discomfort surrounding the future, what might happen if we paused to celebrate the small decisions that helped us arrive at our present. 

Is there something in your near future that surrounds you with anxiety? Maybe it's a job you are nervous to apply for, or a conversation with a friend that you are dreading. Or perhaps it is the day-to-day that bogs you down. When my child was younger, I used to lie in bed and think, "there is no way I will have enough energy to make it through tomorrow."

What if we slowed down our worry and replaced it with remembrance? What made you interested in the job you are nervous to apply for? What professional skills are you proud of? What work did you do to attain those skills? Take time to remember what you have done and celebrate your accomplishments. For the mother worried that she will never have enough energy for the next day, remember the work you did that morning! Did you wake up? did you change diapers? did you hold and nourish your child? celebrate the work you have already done. 

As we take time to celebrate our past accomplishments, we can be led to empowerment and find freedom from anxiety. 

Can you pause today to celebrate the small victories in your life? What have you done today that has led you to success? What about in the past week or month?

At times, our minds are moving so quickly that it seems impossible to slow down to pause and remember. If this practice seems too daunting to you right now, it could be helpful to seek outside help from a counselor. Working with a counselor will not only help you to create more space to make decisions, but will also help reduce overall stress. 

If you can in this moment, I invite you to pause.

Appreciate the work you have already done. 

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Groundhog Day

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of meeting at Whole Foods with my dear friend Debbie Johnson. I learned about her new book, A Pocketful of Seeds, and we exchanged ideas about ways that we wanted to create positive change in our communities. 

Because I was already at Whole Foods, I decided to buy some groceries following our meeting. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "is there anything new happening in your life?" Intrigued by his question, I explained that I had just had an encouraging meeting and that I was looking forward to growing my private counseling practice. Curious about his life, I returned the question to him. "Nothing new here," he said, "every day just starts to feel like Groundhog Day." He went on to explain to me that he had met another individual who had also described her life as "Groundhog Day" that morning. 

Nearly two weeks have passed since this exchange occurred, and I have struggled to stop thinking about it. I have felt saddened by this individual's description of his life as the "same thing every day," and yet remember times in my life when I felt I would never break out of my dissatisfying routines and habits. 

Before I continue, I want to add that I do not think having a life structured around routine is necessarily bad. I eat two eggs and an apple every morning for breakfast. It's simple and reliable and makes me happy. What would be very unsettling is if I felt trapped by this routine. We've all been there, right? I'm talking about that feeling that you have no control over the trajectory of your life...the feeling that makes even your best efforts seem without purpose...the feeling that no matter what you do, you will be in the same unhealthy relationship or job or stuck with the same unhealthy habit forever. 

We've seen the movie (or maybe the most recent episode of Mindy Project?--anyone?) where the individual relives the same day every day until some conflict is resolved. The lead character doesn't have any control over when his/her life will resume and begins to lose hope until finally--tomorrow comes. While these scenes are certainly entertaining, they possess a quality that our real life does not--powerlessness. These characters have no power over when "tomorrow" will come. 

I want you to know that right now, in this moment, you have the power to change your future. 

What sort of change are you seeking in your life? Is it something small like waking up fifteen minutes earlier every morning? Or maybe it's something larger like a job or relationship that takes joy out of life. Sometimes change can feel so overwhelming that we don't know where to start. 

When considering change in your life, start at the finish line. When you picture a "changed" life for yourself, what do you envision? Take some time to write it down and imagine all of the details of this changed life. Next, begin to think about the first small step that would help you get to this goal. And if that step seems too great, think about the smaller step that would help you get there! If creating change still seems too overwhelming, consider speaking with a professional counselor or coach. Working with an objective individual can help you to figure out what is keeping you back from creating effective change in your life. But regardless of how you get there, remember that change IS possible, and that YOU already have what it takes to make it happen.